It breaks my heart to hear stories of friends who have fallen out over wedding planning, couples who start marriage in debt, and mother-in-laws who have to be seated on opposite sides of the room to each other. Alice and Leall had NONE of this and that’s why we are sharing their wedding with you today.
Alice borrowed a 20 year-old-dress from a lady in her mother’s book club, they served a delicious Durban curry as the main meal. There was no bridal retinue – just a focus on community and celebration. Everyone pitched in, allowing each and every moment of the day (from the flowers to the decor to the garter) to have personal touches of love.
Over to Alice…
When I was growing up, I always imagined that I’d have a bring-and-share wedding. The fuss-free, simplicity of it appealed to me. I wouldn’t have to limit numbers, and the focus would be on having those we love there to celebrate the start of our marriage with us. Ideal.
Buuut, it turns out a bring-and-share can get pretty pricy… You have to hire all the cutlery, crockery, and all the bits you never think about as individual items, and the whole thing was just becoming an expensive, logistical nightmare. We soon realised that it wasn’t the bring-and-share that we wanted but rather a day without the exorbitant prices and hassle. So we re-strategised and settled on Indian Delights as caterers; turns out that they’re well practiced at doing really big weddings for massively reasonable rates. The extra bonus was that all the boys (husband included) were so excited that we’d decided to go for Durban curry, rather than gourmet wedding food that often left them hungry! Indian Delights supplied the starters, delicious mains, table cloth, cutlery, crockery, chairs, non-alcoholic drinks, waiters, set-up, clean-up…all for a third of what any other catering company had quoted us just for the food. Win.
So now that that was sorted, how did we manage the fuss-free bit? Think of something wedding like… and we probably didn’t do it. No printed invites. No printed pew notices. No confetti. No evenings spent cutting and sticking. No hired car. No favours. None of it. We only looked at one venue. I borrowed a 20-year-old dress from someone in my Mum’s book club. We made sure all the décor on the tables was recyclable, and the 5 single-stem roses per table was the extent of what we bought for them – trying to save the trees on all fronts. Yet, probably the biggest thing we decided against was having a bridal party or main table. Yup, no bridesmaids, no groomsmen. But more on that later…
The wonderful thing was that, even without these details, our wedding day still had the enchantment of a wedding day. We didn’t miss those details, and it didn’t seem like the guests did either. In fact, if anything, it seemed to allow people to really relax and enjoy themselves.
Community has always been a really big part of both of our lives. I suppose that’s why we wanted the wedding we had, and maybe also how we were able to. My aunt did a really beautiful flower arrangement in the Church and made my garter, a dear friend made my cascading bouquet, and another friend from church made us THE most incredible cake. It was really special to know that those were made with love! One funny thing was that I didn’t really know what the cake was going to look like until we got into the hall to cut it; I had just asked Anne to enjoy making it!
It wasn’t just in the table decorations or invitations that we went a different way to include a little more community: we completely restructured the now familiar wedding-day routine. Both the ceremony and reception were local so it didn’t cost our guests anything to attend. We invited our entire Church (I’m a minister) to the ceremony, and then included them in some of the fun by holding the speeches in the church hall immediately after the ceremony. We just asked that everyone bring some eats. Everyone felt included and I felt privileged to have my whole community with me on such a special day.
Setting the day out this way meant that apart from saying Grace, there were no real formalities left for the evening, at a reception venue five minutes away. That left it open to be a great, uninterrupted party. Fantastic. We warned everyone in the invites not to expect a princess-affair but rather a massive jol, and everyone came prepared! It was magical. Our first dance was basically how we dance in the kitchen – badly and with lots of laughter… And you can tell the night was a good one, when someone ripped their pants on the dance floor (thank DJ Dan from XAV). And when everyone was warmed up enough we served cones with homemade ice-cream from LegenDairy. No complaints.
By not having a bridal party, we were really able to include so many more people in the planning, rather than just five exhausted friends. On the day Leall had a hoard of mates round for brunch and getting ready, while I just wanted a quiet, uncluttered morning. It all just added to the excitement and anticipation. And because there weren’t set roles, it was so precious to us how involved our family got with all the plans. And then in acknowledgement of all of their involvement, we asked all our immediate family to join us on the dance floor for our second dance.
After having done long distance for two years, Leall and I just wanted to be married. We were engaged for five months, but only started the planning when I got back with three months to go. The two things we really wanted were to have a big celebration with all those we loved, and then a great photographer to capture it. Knot Just Pics’ photographs are enough of an advertisement for themselves. Leall and I usually look like awkward, toy soldiers in all our personal photos so we were pleasantly surprised at what they were able to get out of us on the day. They also had an eye for getting a mix of ‘suburban’ and ‘nature’ pictures, despite being right in the city centre of Durban! The added bonus was that Andy and Szerdi are such a fun couple, which made it a joy to spend so much of such an important day with them!
Hooray: Alice, did you do anything practical which you might recommend to other couples?
There are three practical things which others might want to use in their own weddings, or other events. One is Paperless post – what a brilliant tool for invites. You can put an RSVP function, send out extra update mails, and you can see if the person has opened the email or if it’s bounced. And, it’s free.
We also have so many friends who live overseas and we felt it a big ask to get them to fly out for a day, especially since we weren’t having a small and intimate wedding. So we gave them the alternative of still being involved in our ceremony by watching it on a live stream. I set it up using the UStream app and sent everyone a link beforehand that they could log onto. My brother in the front row generously held a tablet throughout the wedding, and apparently the quality was pretty decent! Again, apart from the data/wifi, it’s also free.
And finally, my husband had just asked that when I walked down the aisle that I look like the girl he proposed to. I had a make-up trial, but because I don’t usually wear a lot of make-up, to me it felt like the base was thick enough to play noughts-and-crosses in, and I didn’t really look like me. So I decided to get a lesson from MAC make-up on how to put my make-up properly. They spent three hours with me, demonstrating on half of my face, and then making me replicate it on the other half. The lesson costs R800, but if you buy products of that value then the lesson is free. I’m now better at my make-up, have me some fancy base, and looked recognisably-me as I walked down that aisle.
It was such a gift that our family gave us the freedom to do things as we wanted (although Dad, right until we were in the Church didn’t understand how it was going to work without a bridal party). We put effort in where it mattered to us. I spent quite a bit of time writing personal letters to each guest, and used those as their place settings. Although it didn’t make the place look any prettier, I really wanted to make sure I could thank people for coming – especially those who’d travelled – and let our friends and family know why they specifically meant a lot to us. (Some might say they’d rather tie a bazillion bows than write letters). But we LOVED our wedding. Way more than we thought we would or even could. I could say all of the other clichés too. Pure Magic. Oh to have it again…
Alice and Leall, thank you for sharing your special day with us. There are a lot of couples who do things like Bridal parties and wedding favours, only because they know no other way, and you have showed us today that it is OK to mix things up a bit and add and remove elements of the day that do and don’t suit you.
Wishing you lots of love for your future together,
Derryn & Christy
Supporting Cast:
Photography: Knot Just Pics
Catering: Indian Delights
Ice Cream: LegenDairy
Sound: DJ Dan from XAV
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