Dear Derryn
I’m a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding in April. Over the past few months she has subtly asked me to lose weight by asking me to come to the gym with her, emailing me diet programs, and insinuating that I am going to ‘stand out’ of the photos. When she realized her subtle approach wasn’t working, she confronted me about my size and said “I’m sure you can understand that, as the bride, I want everyone looking at me”. I am comfortable with my size – this has been my body all my life and it has been a long road to acceptance. What I am uncomfortable with, is my friend thinking that I am too big for her wedding. It’s starting to really upset me. What do I do?
Regards
Size 14
Dear size 14
“I’m sure you can understand that, as the bride, I want everyone looking at me” WTF??!!!
Who is this girl and where did you find her? My guess is that you met at Varsity and were great drinking buddies/wing women. I can’t imagine that you have anything else in common. She sounds like an absolute sociopath.
Girl, let’s get one thing straight here. You are gorgeous. I don’t know what you look like, but you have accepted your body as it is and that is awesome. Asking someone to change their appearance to blend in to your bridal party is crazy talk. You are not a piece of vintage furniture, you do not need to match!
Dear bride. Does our friendship mean that little to you that my weight would have me excluded from your bridal party? Does all 10 years of our friendship fly out the window because you have become so obsessed with everything being perfect on your wedding day. Who are you and what did you do with my friend?
Alright, outraged Derryn has left the keyboard and diplomatic Derryn has arrived. This would be my response if I were you:
Dear bride. Thanks for all your encouragement regarding weight loss, however I am happy with my body and have chosen to accept it and love it as it is. I’m sure you can understand that, as a friend, your words are beginning to hurt my feelings. If my current weight is bothering you too much and you think that it will detract from the focus of your wedding day, I would prefer to pull out of the wedding party and attend rather as a guest. I love you very much and value our friendship and would hate for something as trivial and superficial as my weight to get in the way of this. If you can see past my size, I would love to still be a part of the wedding, but then will ask that you refrain from making comments. The call is yours. Either way, I am – and always will be – your friend. X
And then once you have sent this, call a real friend, grab a bottle of wine, and giggle at all the silly-ness that comes from weddings.
Let’s address the brides for a minute before I sign off. If you can relate with the bride in this story, you have other options than to ask a friend to alter her appearance. Perhaps you can have all the girls wearing a different style of dress. This will allow the bigger girls to cover up a bit more and feel comfortable standing in front of your 200 guests. You could also have the bridesmaids and groomsmen sit in the front rows rather than stand with you at the alter during your ceremony. That way ALL eyes will be on you. What are they up there for anyway?! You could also remind yourself, that friendship runs FAR deeper than appearance and that bridesmaids are not accessories.
If you would like to know where the tradition of bridesmaids comes from, read our article on having an uneven number of bridal party members.
If you have been in a similar position, we would love to hear via the comments section how you handled the situation and what the outcome was.
The post Dear Derryn | Bride has asked me to lose weight appeared first on Hooray Weddings.