In honor of Heritage Day, we began a series of blog posts celebrating the various cultures in South Africa. We have shared an Orthodox Jewish wedding as well as Hindu wedding, and today we are onto Greek Orthodox. Keep your eyes open for the Muslim and Zulu weddings still to come.
After just one or two emails from Stella, it was apparent how passionate she is about her heritage and how much she enjoys celebrating its culture. It has been so much fun chatting about her wedding and getting to know the history behind all the traditions that take place at a Greek wedding.
Thank you Luca Barausse for the stunning images.
Hooray: We love a good love story. Tell us your proposal story and a bit about the two of you as a couple
Stella: So Aleko and I have known each other for as long as we can both remember (He is adamant that our love is 2398 years old and we have found each other again in this life- Ancient Greek love he calls it). Growing up in the Greek community and in our Church, we would always see each other around at church and events as well as through Greek Dancing classes. Our families knew each other and there has always been a good relationship between us all. He is older than me and I always saw him as being the “cute older guy” that was amazing at greek dancing. There were definitely times when I felt that there was a bit of flirting going on between us, but I always thought it was just in my head. A few years ago, he started hanging out with the “youth” and coming out to the clubs with us. This was definitely so that he could get to see me more. He was super cute at trying to get my attention, often delivering flowers to my work, or leaving cards on my car windscreen and waiting outside my office in the freezing cold with a hot cup of coffee. After several attempts of trying to get me to go on a date with him, I eventually gave in. after our first date, I knew I was in love and there was no doubt that he was going to be the man I spent the rest of my life with –the rest is (ancient Greek) history.
His courting me was no small deal – so the proposal was definitely not going to be either. After only a few months of dating I found pictures of rings on his phone that he purposefully planted there to see my reaction. Obviously, I was in awe. Aleko had been planning the proposal for months and on the 2 May 2016 his elaborate plan was successfully executed. My family had tricked me into thinking that we were going out for breakfast for my brother’s birthday (which was the next day), I had no idea that in fact everyone was in on his plan. While sitting in my TV room engrossed in an episode of Game of Thrones, I suddenly heard the sound of men singing “Everything I do, I do it for you- By Bryan Adams coming from outside. Inquisitively, I went out onto the balcony to see where this sound was coming from. To my surprise I found my handsome boyfriend, and 7 of his friends standing at the bottom of my balcony serenading me (Very Romeo and Juliet), throwing bouquets of flowers up to me. After their beautiful rendition of the song (with every key on point), Aleko came up the stairs, red in the face, with the biggest smile, holding the most exquisite bunch of flowers and asked if he could “have this dance?”. They started playing a Greek love song, that a few months before I had mentioned I loved and thought it would be a good wedding song. He walked me down to the garden where we slow danced in a heart that the boys had made out of petals, while he whispered beautiful words and the boys showered us with even more petals. After a few minutes of dancing, Aleko got down on one knee and took out the most beautiful ring I had ever seen and asked if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. my answer was “of course”.
During all the excitement and congratulations from our family – Aleko kept saying to me “are you ready for a party? I thought he meant a party in our new life together. Unbeknown to be, he had organised for all our friends and family to meet us at our Church with our priest, where a special blessing was done. This was followed by a huge party at the Greek hall with food, drinks and lots of dancing. It was such a festive celebration and only a glimpse of what was to come at the wedding.
Hooray: Where did you get married and what attracted you to that venue?
Stella: Our ceremony was held at the Greek Orthodox Church in Durban North and the reception was followed at the Hellenic Hall. It wasn’t a hard choice for us as we both grew up in the Durban Greek community, celebrating many different functions at our church and the Hellenic Hall. Also, it’s one of the few places that caters for over 400 guests ;).
Hooray: Tell us about your beautiful gown. Being Greek, were there things you needed to consider when choosing your dress?
Stella: There wasn’t anything particular that had to be considered when choosing the dress. I went to several different dress shops and tried on A LOT of dresses. It was honestly so much fun. I always thought I would get married in a ball gown type of dress- but after putting one on I quickly realised it was not for me! Up until about 2 weeks before the wedding I was going to wear one dress, until I went into a Bridal Mall Couture to look for wedding shoes, and ended up spotting another dress in there. knowing that I already had a dress, I reluctantly tried it on … but once I did, I fell in love with it and knew it was the dress for me to wear on our special day.
Hooray: Please would you talk us through some of the religious traditions that took place on your wedding day and some of the history
Stella: There are many traditions that are part of the Greek Orthodox wedding.
The Koumbares/Koumbari
The Koumbaros, or “sponsor” of the marriage, plays an important role in the ceremony, performing rituals. Traditionally the groom’s godparent is asked to serve first. The Koumbaros are blessed with the honour of later baptizing the first born child and act as spiritual mentors and Godparents to the child. Aleko and I each had 9 koumbari standing by our side. There were quite a few of us standing up at the alter on our wedding day- and to be honest, we would have loved to have had more.
The bride and groom get ready separately. There is usually food, drinks and music while the preparations occur. The bride and groom’s family and koumbari are all present at the houses while this takes place.
Preparing the Groom
On the day of the ceremony, the groom’s friends gather to help him get ready. His best men – called the “koumbari” – shave the groom. This shows the trust between them. They will also help to dress the groom. One might button the shirt. Another might put the jacket on him. That way they all have a symbolic role in getting him ready. The koumbari will also stand by the groom during the ceremony.
Preparing the Bride
The bride is also dressed by her koumbares and mother– On the bottom of the bride’s shoes are written the names of all her unmarried friends. The tradition behind this is that the names that get worn away by the end of the night are the names of the women who will be married next.
Once the bride and groom are dressed and ready in their respective homes, their parents, Koumbari and other relatives, give their blessing. This is done by crossing a red scarf three times around their waist as a way to symbolize fertility and then they use a censer to bless the bride and groom and to protect them from the evil eye. During the red scarf blessing a traditional Greek-Cypriot song is played. The lyrics of this song include: “Call her father to tie her tight with the scarf and give her his blessing from his heart”
Ceremonial Elements
Traditionally the groom meets the bride at the front of the church. The bride’s father walks the bride to the groom who waits at the entrance. The Priest does a blessing and then walks them up the alter.
The wedding service has two parts: the betrothal and the marriage service. The service is conducted at the “matrimonial altar,” a small table on which a special tray holds the wedding crowns, rings, candles, goblet of sanctified wine, and book of gospels.
The Rings.
The rings are blessed by the priest who takes them in his hand and makes the sign of the cross over the couple’s heads. The Koumbari then exchanges the rings three times, taking the bride’s ring and placing it on the groom’s finger and vice-versa. The exchange signifies that, in married life, the weakness of the one partner will be compensated by the strengths of the other, the imperfections of one by the perfections of the other. Individually, the newly betrothed are incomplete; together they are made perfect.
The Joining of the Hands
The priest places the right hand of the groom on the right hand of the bride. At this sacred moment, the couple is joined as husband and wife in the Greek Orthodox Church. The hands remain joined throughout the service to symbolize the “oneness” of their love.
The Crowning
The crowns (Stefana) signify the glory and honour of God given to the couple during the Sacrament. The bride and groom are crowned as the queen and king of their kingdom, the home, which they will rule with wisdom, justice and integrity. The crowns are joined together with a ribbon symbolizing that the two are now one. The Koumbaro exchanges the crowns three times over the heads of the groom and the bride as witness to the sealing of the union. Some interpret the Stefana as being symbols of the crowns of martyrdom, since every true marriage involves immeasurable self-sacrifice.
The Common Cup
In the Bible we read that changed water into wine and gave it to the newlyweds. The couple drinks blessed wine from a common cup, remembering the first miracle Jesus performed. The common cup designates a mutual sharing of life in its fullest, a common support for every joy and sorrow experienced in life’s walk. The drinking of wine serves to impress upon the couple that, from this moment on, they will share everything in life, joys as well as sorrows, and they are to “bear one another’s burdens.”
The Ceremonial Walk
The priest leads the couple three times around the alter on which are placed the Gospel and the Cross, Christ’s symbols of hope and redemption. In this act, the couple takes their first step as a married couple, with the Church (through the priest) leading them. These first steps as partners are to emphasize the focus of their “life’s walk” together.
The Blessing
The bride and groom return to their places, and the priest lifts the crowns from their heads. The marriage ceremony ends with words of blessing to the newlyweds.
After the bride and groom share their first kiss as husband and wife, the guests leave the church and wait outside for them. As the newlyweds leave the church, it is the tradition for the guests to throw rice as a symbol of fertility and purity.
Hooray: How have Greek Orthodox weddings changed since the last generation got married. Do you think this is a good or bad thing?
Stella: The wedding ceremony in the Greek Orthodox Church is a sacrament, and so it is unchanged from the 11th century. I feel that this is an amazing thing. It is so symbolic. Everything has a meaning and is done the same way that our ancestors would have done it. Traditions are really important to both of us, so I absolutely love that it is relatively unchanged and that we were able to be married in the same way.
Hooray: What can one attending a Greek Orthodox wedding expect to see/do/eat?
Stella: As for what can one except to eat – Greeks will be Greeks and we love to eat. Food can be anything that one’s heart desires. There will always be salad including feta and olives and some type of meat (in our case we had lamb) with potatoes and veggies. The deserts include a range of Greek specialties such as baklava, and kourabiedes, and of course the wedding cake (Ours was created by KupCake Heaven and was absolutely delicious).
A party favour is always given at the wedding. This is called the bonbonerie. Attached to whatever favour you may give is a small bag of sugar coated almonds or “Koufeta”. The white sugar coat symbolizes purity. The egg shape represents fertility and the new life which begins with marriage. The hardness of the almond represents the endurance of marriage and the sweetness of the sugar symbolizes the sweetness of future life. There is usually an odd number of almonds in the bag which is undividable, just as The Bride and The Groom shall remain undivided”. It is also said that a single person can place the koufeta under his/her pillow and they will dream of the person they will marry.
Then, there’s the actual party. A Greek wedding is a true celebration. From the minute, the party starts the dancing doesn’t stop until the end of the night or even into early hours of the morning. and even then, you may find some of the die hards, doing their solo dances on tables.
Dancing is a huge part of any Greek’s life. There are many different dances from various villages around Greece, Cyprus and Crete including the traditional folk dances such as Kalamatiano, Xasapiko, Pentozali, and Zorba where everyone dances together following a choreographed step. Most, if not all are generally danced at a big fat Greek wedding like ours. But we cannot forget the Zembekikos Dance aka the Drunk Man’s Dance, filled with kicks, spins, and sometimes even flips or an extra trick or two. This is danced by one person at a time (both men and women do this dance) usually with a glass of whisky placed on the floor. The man moving gracefully, dances around the glass, he may put it on his head and dance for a while, he may stand on the glass and balance on it, and eventually he downs the drink as the song comes to an end. It’s a dance full of passion and emotions.
It is a Greek tradition to break plates at a celebration. This is done to signify that is has been a truly momentous occasion. This takes place during the dancing and mostly during the Zembekika. There are many ways of breaking the plates, throwing them on the ground, smacking them on the dancers head, or using one to smash a whole pile. No matter what way it’s done, its absolutely fabulous and so much fun. When the plates run out, the guest usually resort to using petals or serviettes to throw while the dancing continues. A more recent and south African Greek tradition is to light the floor on fire while dancing around the blazing fire, usually they use methylated spirits to light the fire but often you find the more intoxicated men start using the alcohol as a catalyst. Admittedly, there are often a few victims that fall short and end up getting a bit hurt – however they always have a good story to tell.
Hooray: What should a guest attending a Greek Orthodox wedding wear?
Stella: Greek weddings are generally quite formal so smart dresses, heels, suit and tie is usually the way to go. Although, in true Greek fashion, by the end of the night most of the men have lost their ties to the fire, there shirts have been ripped, the pants torn from the plates and the girls are wearing their flats to relieve their feet from all the Greek dancing
Hooray: Were there any special/sentimental songs played at your wedding?
Stella: The song that he proposed to me to (A Greek song called Mono Esena– which tanslates to “Only you”) was our wedding song that we had our first dance to.
We also played Everything I do which resulted din all the koumbari and koubares and even some of the guests singing along.
Throughout my life, no matter where or when the songs “I will survive” and “Its raining men” came on, my mother would grab the microphone and sings along. So, these songs were a must.
There were also a few special Greek Zembekika songs that were dedicated to my father, father in law, mother in law and brothers.
Hooray: Finish the following sentences:
We could have done without so much… stress.
I wish that we had… a donkey (Aleko wanted to have this as this is what they do in the Villages in Greece- we just never quite managed to figure out how)
Best money spent was on… footage (photographers and videographers) – this will last forever
“The person, supplier, family member who, I need to thank is….” Absolutely everyone who was a part of it including our guests who made our night absolute perfection.